It's my birthday

I'm 53 today.  Nothing special planned, but did have my hair cut and colored, which I guess is appropriate if I'm trying to erase the years and the gray.  Nothing stands out about this birthday.  I no longer think about not being married or having kids - that doesn't really bother me although sometimes I may pretend that it does.  I guess what bothers me is that, if I'm not going to live to be 106 (most likely not), then I'm more than half done with life.  I feel more mortal these days than in years past.  Alan is 62 and while I have friends that are older, that scares me sometimes.  He is, of course, healthier than I am - except that he smokes.  I have chronic health issues that could kill me at any time.  Barretts Esophagus, which causes cancer, high blood pressure, low HDL (the good stuff), and I need to lower my triglycerides a bit.  I can't seem to stay on Weight Watchers ( I can't resist ice cream, chocolate or pizza) and have not been able to get myself over to the gym, although sometimes I really do have the urge to RUN.  Now I'm home, and need to get a few things done then go back to Alan's.  I don't know if he got me a present -probably something I don't need - but a nice lunch or dinner will be fine.  I have a Rossi rehearsal later.   When they say you're as young as you feel I guess sometimes that means I'm about 80.