I Need to Own It.

I have decided that I should no longer act as if I'm just a little amateur singer helping out during services, but accept that I am a professional cantorial soloist who has valid knowledge to share.  I've been grappling with this for awhile, as sometimes I feel conflicted due to my feelings about religion and prayer in general.  But I have been coming to the understanding that I am not the only one who is sometimes ambivalent about what to believe.  Plus,  I keep saying that I need another vocation from which to earn a living.  Well, I'm enrolled in the  Jewish Music Certificate program, I've learned how to chant Torah, I've learned Hebrew, and I'm taking a Nusach course this semester (the one I took for no credit a couple years ago).   So, all in all, this all makes perfect sense, so ambivalent or not, I've got to embrace it.


This Friday night, AAEI is having the first in a series of services called Sing, Pray, Eat, Learn.  It involves me teaching a melody to a prayer, then we'll have our Kabbalat Shabbat  service, then an oneg shabbat and a discussion of a prayer with the Rabbi.  We have four planned in total, and Rabbi Kudan will discuss a different prayer at each one.   For this first one, I'm going to teach a new melody for L'cha Dodi.  Paula Sack is our new Ritual Director, and although she was not coming to services for a long time, something brought her back and she took over the duties with gusto.  I like Paula - she speaks her mind and tells it like it is. 

So today, I spent some time on this, after receiving the Rabbi's outline for the service.  He had some songs listed that he wanted me to do that I haven't done before or don't know already.  But I'm going to learn them, I put together something to say before I teach L'cha Dodi, and I will work on the songs I am going to sing so that I'm professional and prepared.

Unfortunately, I also have commitments that will keep me from the March service, and the Shabbat over America service being planned for March, but I am involved in the Rossi Ensemble, and Alan and I are also going to a Bat Mitzvah in NJ.   Any excuse to get away, although my commitments often also require me to swap work hours, and I've hardly got any free nights with which to swap!  

Second SPEL

I got a chance to do even more for our second Sing, Pray, Eat, Learn service last Friday night.  I put together a little lecture about some of the composers whose music we sing on Friday nights - Lewandowski, Sulzer and a couple of others.  We didn't have as many people - about 15 vs. about 30 the first month, but they were an appreciative audience and the Rabbi couldn't stop talking about it afterwards, even telling TTI people about it the other night at our Purim Shpiel rehearsal.   I wasn't that thrilled with my results - but Rabbi K says I "have a gift"... yeah right.

Amazingly, I mostly stayed on script,  but should have sung more of the prayers I was talking about.  I wanted to be more organized.  I slightly changed my focus that day, and was busily scanning and printing music up until it was time to go!  
   The Rabbi also wanted me to do some of the same songs I sang during last month's service, which was more of Debbie Friedman, but AI didn't bring the music with me, and felt that last month was kind of a "reform-a-palooza" where we truly broke out of our comfort zone.   I don't know if the congregation really wants me to permanently change some of our "beloved" melodies.  I like mixing it up, kind of like they do in Waltham.

  Anyway, I think overall I did ok, and people said that they learned something.