I Need to Own It.

I have decided that I should no longer act as if I'm just a little amateur singer helping out during services, but accept that I am a professional cantorial soloist who has valid knowledge to share.  I've been grappling with this for awhile, as sometimes I feel conflicted due to my feelings about religion and prayer in general.  But I have been coming to the understanding that I am not the only one who is sometimes ambivalent about what to believe.  Plus,  I keep saying that I need another vocation from which to earn a living.  Well, I'm enrolled in the  Jewish Music Certificate program, I've learned how to chant Torah, I've learned Hebrew, and I'm taking a Nusach course this semester (the one I took for no credit a couple years ago).   So, all in all, this all makes perfect sense, so ambivalent or not, I've got to embrace it.


This Friday night, AAEI is having the first in a series of services called Sing, Pray, Eat, Learn.  It involves me teaching a melody to a prayer, then we'll have our Kabbalat Shabbat  service, then an oneg shabbat and a discussion of a prayer with the Rabbi.  We have four planned in total, and Rabbi Kudan will discuss a different prayer at each one.   For this first one, I'm going to teach a new melody for L'cha Dodi.  Paula Sack is our new Ritual Director, and although she was not coming to services for a long time, something brought her back and she took over the duties with gusto.  I like Paula - she speaks her mind and tells it like it is. 

So today, I spent some time on this, after receiving the Rabbi's outline for the service.  He had some songs listed that he wanted me to do that I haven't done before or don't know already.  But I'm going to learn them, I put together something to say before I teach L'cha Dodi, and I will work on the songs I am going to sing so that I'm professional and prepared.

Unfortunately, I also have commitments that will keep me from the March service, and the Shabbat over America service being planned for March, but I am involved in the Rossi Ensemble, and Alan and I are also going to a Bat Mitzvah in NJ.   Any excuse to get away, although my commitments often also require me to swap work hours, and I've hardly got any free nights with which to swap!